


error

by laconicGhost



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, i guess??, in which mihashi takes the first step in creating a relationship between the two of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:19:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2466359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laconicGhost/pseuds/laconicGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Did that mean anything? Mihashi felt like it shouldn't, but there was some deeper part of him that knew exactly what these feelings were telling him.</p><p>You’re in love with Abe-kun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	error

Mihashi _really_ wanted to kiss Abe.

He ran his fingers over the baseball in his palm as he waited or Abe to finish talking to Hanai, his eyes mesmerized by the way each letter and syllable formed and passed through the catcher’s mouth. Mihashi’s heart fluttered and he swallowed. This was happening a lot lately. To be brutally honest, Ren wasn’t entirely sure why he wanted to kiss the dark haired catcher, but all he knew was whenever he wasn’t paying attention he’d find himself staring at Abe’s lips, studying the exact way they curved and how smoothly Mihashi’s lips would fit over them if he stretched up to kiss him…

Mihashi nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized what he was doing and jerked his gaze away to the ground. No, no, no, it’d be bad if Abe found out that he was staring at him. He didn’t want Abe to find out that he wanted to kiss him, no matter how bad that feeling in his stomach told him to.

Oh my god.

What if he _did_ find out? What if he thought it was gross? What if Abe started hating him? Mihashi clamped his teeth down on his lips and he felt tears pricking his eyes at the horrible though. He couldn’t have Abe hating him. If he did, would he stop giving him signs during games? Would he be alone on the mound again?

“Mihashi?”

Ren snapped his head back up to see Abe looking at him worriedly, Hanai already gone to report to Momoe, so the two of them were the only ones in the dugout. He struggled to straighten himself out and shy a weak smile, trying to hide the fact he nearly broke down in tears over something he shouldn’t even be worried about. _Fake it and you’ll make it, Ren_. Abe’s eyebrows pulled together in concern, tilting his head a little to the left. “Are you alright?”

Mihashi’s stomach, which was already sinking like a rock, plummeted into his feet when he realized Abe had read him like a book. He nodded vigorously, fumbling with the baseball in his hands as he tried to formulate more of an answer in his head and spit it out without messing it up too much. “F-Fine--!”

Then he made a mistake. He happened to look up just as Abe had pursed his lips in thought, and he was immediately drawn back to what he had been staring at all day.

Kissing Abe’s lips. Mihashi flushed.

“Are you sure?” Abe asked, a lightly irritated expression forming on his face. Mihashi swallowed thickly. “You’ve been distracted all day. Did something happen?”

Oh no. He noticed. Mihashi shook his head ferociously and looked back down at the ground while his cheeks burned. “Mm-- thinking… I'm okay.”

Thankfully Tajima appeared and threw an arm around Ren before Abe could question him any further. After practice, Mihashi scurried home without encountering Abe again and hid in his room after dinner while he thought to himself.

He couldn’t have Abe hating him. He couldn’t bear another three years on the mound alone. He curled up under his blankets and bit his lip, his chest aching as the memories he was trying to forget started slipping back into his mind. If Abe started hating him… Mihashi wasn’t sure what he’d do. He pulled his comforter over his head.

What could he do, though? He didn’t want Abe to hate him, but he didn’t want to keep going like this either.

He _could_ always just let him know. Abe told him to let him know when things were bothering him.

Mihashi immediately threw that plan out the window, curling into himself a little more.

No way. Abe couldn’t find out about this. So how could Mihashi fix this? After some more thought, Ren decided that it’d be best if he avoided talking to Abe if he didn’t need to. It’d be difficult, but even worse for Mihashi if he lost his friendship with Abe, so he figured he’d try it.

It worked for a little bit. Abe didn’t really talk too much with him outside of practice anyway, so the first couple days he didn’t really seem to notice Ren was avoiding him. Mihashi felt awful for doing so, and even for a moment or two he felt like he should give up and start apologizing to him, but then the ugly memories of Mihoshi would crash back into his skull and he’d scurry away. Just give it a few days and the feelings will go away, Mihashi, it won’t hurt Abe that much if it’s just a week.

Turns out Mihashi was wrong. Abe got increasingly more irritable and stressed as the week went on; he struggled to keep his voice at talking level and he snapped at a lot of the team when they asked simple questions. When people asked of something was wrong, Abe just ignored them and went back to returning Mihashi’s pitches.

Mihashi’s heart felt heavy like it was made of lead, the guilt that he was the one who was making Abe feel like this beginning to make him feel sick. He made it through the rest of day seven and went home without really thinking about what he was doing, finishing his homework without paying attention because he kept thinking about Abe.

Things weren’t going as Mihashi planned they would. He was hoping that keeping away from Abe would maybe break him out of his staring habits, but it felt like that feeling had only grown in the past week. He felt awful about leaving Abe alone without telling him what was wrong, keeping the catcher in the dark. He missed the feeling of his hand.

Did that mean anything? Mihashi felt like it shouldn’t, but there was some deeper part of him that knew exactly what these feelings were telling him.

_You’re in love with Abe-kun._

Oh.

Oh my god, that was it. Mihashi had been avoiding these feelings, confused on how strongly they had grown over the past week and wondering when they had even started in the first place, but that was the answer all along. Suddenly everything that seemed out of place clicked together to show the entire picture. Mihashi Ren was in love with Abe Takaya. The blond’s stomach tensed, but he wasn’t sure if it was in excitement or terror at this moment of self-discovery. Half of him was relieved to know the reason he was so attached to Abe, but the other reminded him that these feelings could only be one sided.

_You two are a battery. You’re just friends._

He thought of all the times Abe was there next to him, their hands lightly brushing together, that one time that Abe threw an arm of his shoulder when the whole team was at a nighttime practice meeting, each and every time they celebrated when they won and the one time they cried when they lost. Abe hugged him then, balancing on his crutches as he pressed his face into Mihashi’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around him...

He was coaxed out of his stupor when his phone buzzed in his pocket and he chewed his bottom lip as he pulled it out. He nearly had a heart attack when he saw who it was from.

 

        [10:35 pm]

        [From: Abe Takaya]

        [Subject: Don’t ignore this.]

        [We need to talk.]

 

Mihashi felt his chest tighten at the words in panic, staring at his phone in the dim light of his room as a million different things ran through his head. Abe knew he was avoiding him, but he still wanted to talk? He backed himself into the headboard of his bed, pulling his knees to his chest. Ren desperately wanted to ignore the message and pretend he never got it in the first place but the words “ _don’t ignore this_ ” seemed to sear itself into his brain and he shakily started tapping out words.

 

_[I’m sorry Abe-kun I’m really sor_

 

Stop. Breathe Mihashi. He’s not mad. _(Right?)_

 

_[I can’t now_

 

No, that was a lie. Mihashi rapidly tapped the delete button again.

 

_[I love you, Abe-kun._

 

. . . .

 

       [10:43 pm]

       [From: Mihashi Ren]

       [Subject: RE: Don’t ignore this.]

       [Okay.]

 

Mihashi set his phone back down on the bed and hugged his legs, ignoring the uncomfortable twisting in his stomach as he rested his head on his knees and tried to disappear into himself. Mihashi wasn’t ready to face Abe now that he figured out that he’d been housing feelings for his catcher. Mihashi was afraid he was going to do something wrong, and he wasn’t ready for the repercussions. Things were going to fall apart between the two of them. Tears burned in the back of Mihashi’s throat and he tried taking a deep breath, but it ended up escaping as a sob.

He couldn’t lose Abe.

There was another text message from Abe and Mihashi had to force himself to look at it, his fingers trembling as he brought the phone to his face.

 

       [10:45 pm]

       [From: Abe Takaya]

       [Subject: Alright.]

       [Tomorrow, not now. It’s late. Get some rest.]

 

The screen blurred as the tears started welling up in his eyes, and the pitcher wiped them away quickly as he sniffled. Mihashi knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep at all with this approaching conversation looming in the back of his head, but he told Abe that he would before curling under his blankets and trying to force himself to sleep.

He felt like as soon as he shut his eyes his alarm went off.

  
  


 

 

Mihashi felt sick all day. He tried his best to focus during morning practice, but his accuracy was way off and he nearly hit Abe at least twice. Abe shook his head and told him not to worry about it, but it only made Mihashi more anxious about their discussion that Abe was probably waiting to have when the two of them were alone so it wouldn’t interrupt the rest of the practice. He couldn’t focus on his classwork at all and when it came time for lunch he didn’t eat anything and pretended to nap instead so Tajima and Izumi wouldn’t ask him about anything.

Abe, of course, decided to bring it up when they were going over pitch selections for an upcoming team right before practice was over for the evening. The rest of the team was finishing up their batting practice, so it was just the two of them.

Mihashi wasn’t sure how well he was going to take this.

“About the past week,” Abe said suddenly, shuffling his notes around like he was busying himself. Mihashi felt his back go rigid, and he stared at his half-hazard pile of batters so he didn't have to look at his catcher. Oh god, this was it. The thing that Mihashi had been dreading all day. His heart felt ready to collapse in on itself.

“I’m sorry.”

…

What?

Mihashi’s panic, which had been running on high all day without relent, slowed to a suspicious stop and Ren looked up to see Abe frowning, eyes trained on the ground as he placed his notes back on the bench in front of him. Mihashi was incredibly confused. Why was _he_ apologizing?

“I must have did something wrong, right? You’ve been avoiding me all week and it’s been throwing me off,” Abe continued, hanging his head as he shifted in his seat so his legs were crossed. Ren didn’t even blink, Abe’s words still trying their best to register in his brain as he sat completely still. “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.”

Mihashi forced himself to find his voice, and it came out shaky and breathless. “N-No, Abe-kun--”

“I’m really trying to keep my temper in check,” Abe cut off, gritting his teeth like it was hard for him to say. Almost like he was denying it. “But sometimes it just kinda. . . slips and I don’t realize it.”

“But--”

“Just--!! Look.” Abe licked his lips nervously and Mihashi froze as the feeling he was trying to get rid of by starting this entire avoiding thing came back. Oh no. Stop that. Abe didn’t seem to notice the change in atmosphere and kept going. “If I snap at you, I don’t really mean it okay? I don’t want to mess up anything between us.”

The words sounded like static, buzzing in Ren’s ears and distracting him. Abe reached out and took his hand, lacing their fingers together like he always did when he wanted to make up and Mihashi’s heart jumped into his throat.

That was the feeling he had been craving all week. The feeling of Abe’s palm.

Abe frowned. Oh no. “Your fingers are freezing.”

Mihashi bit his lips so hard he was afraid momentarily that he’d bite straight through them, but he found the strength to nod the smallest nod. Something that resembled hurt flashed over Abe’s face before he looked away and tried to pull his hand away, and Mihashi seemed to understand exactly what had caused it.

Abe thought Mihashi was afraid of him.

That did it. Mihashi’s grip on his self control slipped and he leaned forward, crashing his lips together with Abe’s for a split second before he snapped away and blinked.

Abe was stunned silent, his mouth hanging open as a furious blush made its way up to his cheeks and his hand tightened around Mihashi’s. Was… was he mad? Did he just ruin everything? Oh my God, Abe wasn’t saying anything so he must have. Mihashi tried to think of something, _anything_ , he could say in order to try and make amends with his catcher, but everything sounded like an excuse when he said them in his head.

“I-I’m sorry!” Mihashi burst, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence. “I--I don’t… can’t-- Abe-kun was-- ah....”

“M-Mihashi--”

“I shouldn’t have--”

“Mihashi.”

Abe’s voice was tight, and Mihashi had to look away when he stopped searching for something to say. This was it. He was going to reject him. After all that happened between them, Mihashi screwed it all up with one simple and selfish act that he didn’t hold back. He could already feel the tears slipping and his breath catching in his throat, but he bit his bottom lip tightly.

“H-Have you… have you been avoiding me because of that?”

Mihashi give a tiny nod.

“You… you _like_ me?”

Mihashi paused before he nodded again, slowly and warily.

“Oh my god.”

Something was wrong. Why wasn’t Abe snapping at him? Mihashi felt like Abe should be yelling by now, he definitely deserved it, but Abe’s voice was small, definitely not the level it usually was when Abe was angry. Ren snuck a glance over only to see Abe still red in the face, but something was different. He was crying.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Mihashi nearly had an aneurysm and slapped a hand over his mouth.

 _“I made Abe-kun cry!”_ he shrieked, reeling away from his catcher.

“No!! Not like that!” Abe shouted desperately, his voice cracking. He hid his face in his elbow, straining against Mihashi trying to pull his hand away and holding his hand tighter. “I’m not mad at you!”

It was too late, Mihashi was already freaking out, bursting into a mess of tears and hiccups that resembled words but even Mihashi didn’t even know what he was saying.

“I’m sorry Abe-kun!! I didn’t mean to-- I really didn’t mean to, I’m sorry, I’m sorry--”

“Mihashi--!! I’m not mad--”

Abe was having a difficult time saying anything that wasn’t Mihashi’s name and he tried extremely hard to say the right thing. He stopped trying after he realized he was just repeating that he wasn’t mad over and over again.

Mihashi didn't even notice that Abe had fallen silent because he was trying to stifle his sobs with his hand, but he just ended up making ugly, muffled sounds in the back of his throat. His mind running a million miles an hour, he ended up staring back at the batter’s list in front of him. There was no way that Mihashi could fix this now. There was the smallest part of his heart that reminded him that Abe hadn’t pushed him away yet, so there was still a chance, but as the seconds went by that hope was slipping farther and farther into the void where all of Mihashi’s failed relationships fell. He was about to give up forever when Abe moved.

He pulled Mihashi’s hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on his palm.

Mihashi immediately stopped his tears and stared at his catcher.

“I’m not mad, Mihashi.” Abe’s voice was quiet, still too close to the catcher’s palm so his breath tickled his skin. “I could never be mad about that.”

Mihashi didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything. Everything felt incredibly familiar, like something like this had happened before.

“To tell you the truth, Mihashi,” Abe rasped, not taking his eyes off of his pitcher. “I’ve liked you for a while, but...” he paused, gritting his teeth like he was fighting with himself. “I didn’t want to mess anything up between us.”

Mihashi could hardly believe this was happening. Abe… Abe liked him too? He trembled with a mix of excitement and nervousness.

_You’re a good pitcher._

Memories flashed back and Mihashi suddenly knew exactly where he had seen this before. Behind the school. Back before his first game with Nishiura, when the heat of the summer hadn’t really hit quite yet and Mihashi was still completely unsure of himself. Abe held his hand and told him he was a good pitcher. They promised each other they’d win.

Mihashi certainly felt like he had won.

“Abe-kun… likes me.” It sounded so satisfying to say it out loud, a warm feeling extending throughout his entire body, but something still felt empty. He went a step further. “I love you Abe-kun.” There. Much better.

Abe sucked in a breath and Mihashi was afraid he said something wrong, but Abe shook his head, sandwiching Mihashi’s hand between his own and dipping his head to gently press them to his forehead as he let out a deep sigh. “I love you too.”

Mihashi couldn’t help the smile that floated up to his lips.

Momoe blew her whistle to signal the end of practice and the two of them jumped to their feet, gathering their notes is a rough pile. “Later,” Abe promised, wiping his eyes again to try and get rid of any evidence that he had been crying and Mihashi nodded.

They’d sort everything out later. Maybe tonight. But for now? Everything was good. Everything was fine.

“Later,” Mihashi repeated. They darted off to meet up with the rest of the team in the dugout, keeping their hands locked together the entire time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> to think this all started with me thinking "abe is the type of guy to text mihashi late at night with something super serious like 'we need to talk' and then he remembers its late and tells mihashi to go to bed before they actually talk about anything"
> 
> it turned into this
> 
> wow


End file.
